Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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