I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
