well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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