So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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