She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
