I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
