oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
