dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
