11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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