I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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