Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
