Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
