I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
