I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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