I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
