I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
