His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
