community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
