My first STD was from a foam party
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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