pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
