I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
