So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
