Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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