I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
