I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
