just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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