On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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