What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
