i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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