I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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