I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
