I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
