I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
