Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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