I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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