Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
