Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
