if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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