where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
