god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
