Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
