Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
