FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
