we're blogging at a bar
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
