you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
