she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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