When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
