I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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