She went from zero to smokin in five shots
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
