He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
