bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
