what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am naked and annoyed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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