no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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