does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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