I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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