Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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