I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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