What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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