hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
