Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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