I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
