yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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