How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
