More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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