there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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