took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
