my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize