Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
