Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize