We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
