were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize