I'm so fucking centered right now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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