Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
