I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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