There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
